August 7, 2008

I dreaded this date approaching, August 7th, the
day my brother-in-law was born and it was also the day my brother-in-law died in a tragic plane crash.  *tears*   I don’t want to have a blog entry in Jay’s
remembrance.  I don’t want to be talking
about all the things we’re missing and all the hearts that are broken.  I want to be talking about taking vacations
with Jay and his family, how we’ll grow old together, hear about his newest and
greatest adventures, and I want to laugh with Brad about how Jay calls and
talks forever!! LOL  I want all those
things and more, but my heart deflates knowing that those things will never be

Kasen and I traveled from Iowa to Texas today.  I knew when I made the reservations,
accepted that date, August 7th, for us to fly back here, that it would
be tough.  I was right.  As we waited for the plane to take off,
Kasen kept asking “Are we going home? 
Are we going home?”  As I was
telling her “yes” over and over, all I could think of was Jay soaring Home
three years ago today.  And even though
his Home in Heaven is a trillion plus times more glorious than ours, it doesn’t stop
the ache of wishing . . . wishing for more, wishing for time, wishing for the
bear hugs that only Jay could give, wishing we could watch him walk through the
doors of OUR home, sporting his million dollar smile and say “How’s it

As we drifted above the billowy ethereal clouds, I felt
Jay’s presence a little stronger this afternoon.  I kept looking out the window, trying to keep the lump in my
throat from continuing to swell, continually wiping the tears from my cheeks,
and my heart was crushed all over again. 
I keep telling myself that it isn’t true, that he WILL walk through our
door any minute, that he will call on the telephone and I’ll hear his happy
go-lucky voice, that he will just be there. 
That’s all we want and it seems so little to ask, we just want him to be
. . . . . not there . . . .  but here .
. . . and all the wishing in the world won’t make that come true. *tears*

We miss you so much Jay . . . . .  all of us.  I hope somehow
you know, how much of an impact you have made on our lives, and how much we
cherished the time we did have together.  
And I certainly won’t apologize for wanting more of that.

We love you Jay.

Doug Schneider: Such beautiful words Karen. Thanks for expressing what we are all feeling today. Love, Doug

Doug Schneider: Your gracious way of expressing what is so hard for me to put into words, brought the tears that I had been holding back all day. Thank you for sharing your heart, and letting us feel how much Jay meant to you and all of us. We are blessed to have you for our 'daughter'... Much, much love, H (aka Mae Mae)

Gayle Brockman: What a beautiful memorial to Jay - you have such a gift of communication. Tears are falling as I write this - thanks for conveying all our thoughts so well. Glad you are back home safely - I so missed the daily blogs about the life and times of our Kasen - Love you all - Gayle